Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
