i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
