I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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