I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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