I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
