Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
