Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
