So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
