So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
