So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
