My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
