does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
