Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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