and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
