sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
