i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
