How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I bet he comes in French.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I looked at my own cervix.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
