This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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