My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
