do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
