I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
