I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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