Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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