her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
