i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
