I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
