Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
