I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
