im drinking this country out of the recession.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
