Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
