There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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