It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
