her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
