I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Come share oat with me in your robe
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
