Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
