he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
it's great music for shaving your balls
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
