Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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