It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
