i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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