Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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