He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
