if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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