The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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