Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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