I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
