the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
