I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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