Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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