Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
