So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
