Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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