If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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